Weigh to Go!

The other night, I couldn't sleep, for some reason not even known to myself. Usually on those moments, I feel that is God waking me up to pray intercessory prayer for people I don't even know. It turns a sleepless night into a very good night.

On this night in particular, however, I couldn't even seem to pull myself together to do that. So I turned on the tube. Very late at night, a peculiar thing happens. The infomercials emerge from their slumber and attack unwitting minds to buy, buy buy into happiness of some sort.

You see, we all seem to think, "If I had more money, I'd be happier." So, there on the screen were all sorts of wonderful ways that you could make money. You only have to work PART TIME HOURS to MAKE MILLIONS IN A YEARS' TIME. Now, all you have to do is send so much money.... ah, so THAT'S how THEY can make that much money in no time flat -- encourage others to send YOU money.

Or, we think, "If I were more attractive, then I'd be happy." The television was inundated with scores of weight-loss methods and exercise DVDs. I was almost tempted to buy the one from a former Olympian. It looked so easy to do, and the people looked so good and ripped in the program. Yes, I need to lose weight, but who am I losing it for? Am I losing it to get praise and extra comments? So that I can look great in a bikini again? I USED to wear bikinis -- but those days left with the arrival of my first child! So why do I want to lose weight, and why did I get so big in the first place?

Until my stay in the hospital, the exercise equipment that my husband bought to get in shape got no usage and gathered nothing but dust. I lost my instructions for the Total Gym (another way of losing weight which was advertised that night -- I learned some of the exercises I should be doing on that thing that night), and I watched the exercise videos that I had, but never did the exercises, themselves.

But you know, all of the exercise equipment in the world, all of the money in the world won't fix what can or cannot make you happy. Actually, you need to find out how to make all of that extra money advertised on the one channel so that you can afford to buy the exercise equipment advertised on all of the other channels! For me, happiness comes from being secure in the Lord -- and ALL of the fullness, thereof. However, I have gotten away from that fullness, myself. I've really been looking hard recently at myself in my effort to lose the poundage. Why do I use food to make myself feel better, if I have Jesus? Why am I not making Him enough?

I've been in this course called "The Lord's Table" for a week, now. Some things make me think. Other things make me cry in repentance, while other things said make me a little uncomfortable and angry. But, God is faithful and just to utilize this FREE on-line program to really allow me to go before the Lord in repentance, joy, anger, disappointment, laying myself bare upon His altar. I've been looking at what I've been feeling before I overeat, and at the core of it -- for me, anyway, it may not be that way for you -- is rejection and control issues.

But, instead of going before the Lord with my sadness over rejection, I was going to food. Before, when I was anorexic, control was at the core -- or rather, lack of control in my life around me. Eating -- or lack thereof -- were the only ways I could control SOMETHING. How sad it is to then come to the horrific realization that the things you thought you were controlling end up actually controlling you!

I need to seriously turn ALL control over to Jesus, and to completely, utterly, fully, 100%, honestly, no-holds barred TRUST Him -- even in the roughest seas -- to know that He has ALL things planned out for His greater glory. Even the jarringly heart-breaking times that I simply cannot, for the life of me, understand. This is the hardest part of my journey to lose weight, I am discovering. By the weigh,,, (I'm so punny), I have lost 6 pounds in the first week, and I plan on continuing, with HIS power and grace pushing me onward. To God be the glory, and may He help me and give me strength in this. And if you're struggling, may He give YOU strength, as well.

Memories....

I just saw on the news tonight about how scientists are working with rats to eliminate memories from people. The news piece started this way: "Wouldn't it be nice if your worst memories or traumatic events in your life could be erased from your memory...?"

At first I thought, "I have a QUITE a FEW memories I'd like to erase!" But then, just as quickly, thought, "No -- all memories, good or bad, are ulimately beneficial for you... but why?!"

I just got back from a trip to the hospital. I stayed overnight. I felt I was having a heart attack; my blood pressure was through the roof, I had shortness of breath, pain, dizziness, and that icy cold feeling across my chest. When I showed up at the hospital, I did actually have very high blood pressure, so it was good that I went in. It turns out that it was a mixture of high cholesterol, a newly-discovered of an irregular heartbeat and a panic attack.

I have lived through a lot of pain. A LOT of hurt in my life. But even memories of painful experiences are good for a person. Wait a minute,,, this is coming from a person who has been experiencing panic attacks since October 14?! Yes.

Pain helps us to avoid dangerous circumstances, and to prevent us from repeating stupid mistakes. A child who touches an electrical socket will not be so prone to blindly do it again -- possibly to his or her demise -- if that child remembers what it felt like to have that horrendous charge go through its little body.

Pain helps us to get on the right track. It hurt when that needle pricked my arm to take blood out of me. I got a headache when I took those nitro pills. But, even though the hospital staff was wonderful to me, I don't want to go back there anytime soon with something worse. I know that to not relive that memory, I have to start to eat right, and exercise.

Pain helps to alert of something wrong. If I hadn't felt that pain in my chest, which moved to my back and then to my neck, I would not have known that there was a possible problem with me. If I should, heaven forbid, I would forget, and have those pains again, I may not think to remember what was told of me by the physicians, and I could eventually die.

The same can be said of painful memories. God allows us to have painful memories to: help us to avoid dangerous circumstances, and to prevent us from repeating the same stupid mistakes; to get us on the right track; and, help alert us of something wrong.

In the study of the rats, it was found that when the memories were taken from them, those rats headed directly to a wire which emitted an electrical shock that they formerly (and wisely) avoided.

Painful memories are hard to deal with ... so very hard... but it's so much harder to NOT deal with them. People who learn from their bad memories actually become more productive members of society. You grow from learnt lessons, no matter what the cost, so I'll take the memories,,, good and bad,,, and try to form a beautiful patch quilt of life with them, and hopefully make someone elses' life a little better.

Rain, Rain on My Face

If today's weather were a person, I would imagine "Weather" would have been very moody today! First, we experienced a delicate, softly falling rain. Imagine the storm clouds that come upon a person's face,, and then -- mild tears fall from that person's eyes and roll ever so delicately down that person's cheek. A person who cries soft tears of joy and rapture is a wonderful sight to behold, but one crying tears of sorrow... well... one naturally wishes to take the pain away from that one.

Then, the rain took on a violent kind of turn, flying to and fro, not caring where it landed. When one encounters a storm such as that, they wish to run and find some sort of shelter from that storm. People who allow anger to rage in and out of them like a terrible thunder storm cause those same feelings in people.

Following the torrent of rain, we experienced the great and wonderful mood of "Weather"; in fact, the sky turned a gorgeous shade of blue, and a gentle breeze warmed our hearts with its equally warming breeze. People who are breezy and light warm our hearts. We want to spend all day in their bright, sunny dispositions.

And yet, something must have been troubling "Weather", for the breeze which had so previously felt so delightful to the touch turned menacing and howled through the trees in our back yard. The raging wind pounded fiercely upon our garage door. It frightened my children. How often do we frighten people with our words which emit from our bodies with a hurricane force, lashing at everything and everyone? I'll sadly admit, I have done more than my fair share of being angry one minute, being kind the next, just to blow away what kindness I had previously accomplished with a hurtful set of words.

Is this okay? Well, our Father in heaven got angry enough at the Israelites to wish their destruction upon them, time and again. Why can't we get angry, if the Creator of the entire universe gets angry, Himself?

Simply because it says in His Word that our God is "slow to anger and rich in love." It also says that God won't keep putting up with our shenanigans, but, better still, He won't stay angry at us forever. It has to take something mighty powerful for Him to get angry with us. So... how long does it take for us to get angry? Hopefully, you have a long-burning fuse, because it says this in the Bible about anger and angry people:

"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city." -- Proverbs 16:32

"Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman." -- Proverbs 21:19

"Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go, Lest you learn his ways, And set a snare for your soul." -- Proverbs 22:24-25

When the person -- or people -- in your life come upon you like the storm that raged the Sea of Galilee and made strong, burly fishermen babble like babies, then just remember what those strong men did -- they called upon Jesus.

I imagine Jesus still laying there, half-awake, half-asleep. Can you see Him with a bent arm cradling His head? I bet He was more disturbed about being awakened than some storm brewing and tossing water on the deck. I'm certain that He then propped Himself up using the same arm which formerly cradled His head, sleepily tossed His other hand towards the sounds that boomed loud like a cannon being shot, and said simply, in a sleepy voice, "Oh, peace -- be still," in the same manner that one does when hitting the old snooze button.

We need to call "Peace, be still," to the raging waters that bellow and frighten us, in the name of Jesus. I'm not saying to declare that out loud; just pray to the One who created ALL things -- including people -- Jesus Christ of Nazareth. And instead of letting anger come in and control us to the point of wishing to inflict as much pain and embarrassment as feel we have just endured, we must be careful to answer with a soft word, being like that gentle wind which warmed all who entered in its flow.

What storm are you facing today? Is it a storm of your own making, or is it barraging you from the outside? Whatever it is, may you call upon the One who can calm the sea in any situation -- Jesus.