Stormy Silence

On this blog, I've been quiet lately... too quiet. Usually, I pour out my thoughts and connect those thoughts to God. But if I would share what has been in my heart, life and mind these past months, it would be the equivalent of one of those bad nightmares where you're standing out in public and you suddenly realize you're standing there in your underwear. What -- you've never had a dream like that? Well, I have... I didn't want to write my hurts and such for an unknown world to realize later that I've let it all out to the detriment of society. Trust me, you do NOT want to experience all of this!

Since the middle of August, though, my world has been in a tumult. I've asked for prayer on Face book without being overly specific. I cannot be all that specific even now, as there are other people involved who could be hurt if I go spouting off about myself and these problems.

I keep trying to find joy in the pain. I keep trying to count the blessings in all that has occurred in the midst of it all, and to be honest, I've found quite a few. It really is true that God is good, all the time/ all the time, God is good.

I find joy in praise songs, or songs that I haven't heard in years. Hymns have spoken to me. Such as "Jesus Calls Us, O'er the Tumult," and "It is Well, With My Soul." Reading those small books with titles such as, "What Does the Bible Say When You're Feeling...." also helps me. Knowing that my loved ones and friends are praying for my family and myself -- even when they don't know the entire situation -- is such a blessing.

I grew up in a world where we had a lot of secrets. Since then, I've tried to be a very open book. I've found that many people can't handle that truth I tell about myself. I keep other people's secrets wrapped up nice and tight -- it's my life that is usually out there for all to see. Why? Well, I've known what it's like to live in a secret-filled environment, where you tell no one about yourself. You keep it all hid, make no real close friends, etc. What a lonely existence. Who gets helped by secrets? No one. If there is SOMETHING from my life that can help just ONE person to see that Jesus can touch ANY ONE'S life and give hope, then it's more than worth it.

I'm not giving up on the One who touches the untouchable, the One who reaches the unreachable, the One who consoles the inconsolable, the One who loves the unlovable. He has not given up on me.

My silence these past months in the blogging sphere has not been silent in my soul. It's pressing into the One who can dry my tears, sings to my spirit, and holds me close in the midst of the storms of life. I've needed to rest in Him. To hear His voice. I'll start writing again. I've just needed to ride out these storms that have hammered and blown at the foundations of my being. I'm so very thankful that my house is built upon the firm foundation -- the rock and the anchor -- of Christ Jesus. Otherwise, I really don't know what I would have done these past months.

All I can say is, "Thank You, Lord, for being my refuge, my strength and a very present help in times of trouble... You lift my head and I love You with ALL of my being!"