What is Given on a 25th Anniversary, anyway?

The other day, I pulled it out of my head -- my first grey eyebrow hair. One, silver hair seemed to mock my thoughts that I tend to have about myself. You see, I refuse to think old. Don't get me wrong -- I won't do a single thing to change my face -- except pluck a few stray hairs, here and there. When I'm fifty, I won't plan on pulling a Madonna -- I won't ditch my husband and trade him in for a much younger model who is old enough to be my son. However, I tend to remember what it felt like to be younger, and my mind is always thinking of new things to do and new ways of doing things.

So, to see that grey eyebrow hair is reminding me that this girl is getting older. I still have quite a few years in me filled with goals and dreams that I have yet to accomplish. And to top that off, it's my 25th high school anniversary this year. Funny,,, my memories of school seem so fresh, that it's so hard to believe the years have melted away so quickly. And I'll admit; I'm really not looking forward to going to possibly going to that 25th reunion this year; if I would go, this would be the first reunion that I'd attend. And I'm not quite exactly ready, yet.

First, I'm not drop-dead gorgeous. In fact, I've put on quite a few pounds. There are going to be some people at this reunion who were not very nice to me at all, and for them to see me in my overweight state does not really appeal to me all that much. They made fun of me when I was thin and somewhat pretty; could you imagine what would happen if they'd spot me at the reunion, when I'm getting some greys and put on some serious weight? Also, I haven't accomplished anything of any real note -- at least, I haven't published those novels I've been meaning to finish writing. I haven't written any award-winning songs (although I've written songs, I've never had them published). I used to work in radio, but I now work for myself, in my own business that does not make millions of dollars, but does help me pay for homeschooling my children and pays for my insurance. How am I really able to measure up to the scrutiny that I will be sure to face if I venture to the reunion?

Then this morning, I was led to read from First Samuel. I read quite a bit; I sat in my bed, not moving, and reading until God made His point to me.

I read over the fate of Saul when he was told that obedience is better than sacrifice. I explained that section to my son as he came in to talk to me. Then I read about the anointing of David. There, paraded before the Judge and Prophet Samuel, were the sons of Jesse. They were young, beautiful and strong looking. Samuel was SURE that one of those sons were the chosen one. But God said one thing: People look on the outward appearance -- God, Himself looks at the heart.

So that's the thing that I think God wants me to remember, as I mull over whether to go on Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem or Weight Watchers, whether I join the gym or play my "Sweatin' in the Spirit" dvd. When I look back at the girl I was 25 years ago, I must have seemed so stuck up and so judgemental; what I was, was a girl who didn't know who or what she was, and only wanted to feel loved by someone. When I was younger and considered "sexy" by some whilst I was in my late teens and early 20's, my heart was so sad. I knew that I wasn't living totally for Him, and I felt so unworthy for anything or anyone.

I may have put on the poundage, but I now actually like myself more now than I did 25 years ago, because I know I am a child of God, and that He has never left me, nor forsook me. I still have a way to go; I need to realize that my successes are not based upon what the world thinks is a success, but what God knows is success. I'm learning that our church does not need to be a mega-church, nor do I need to be perfect. I don't need to be "rock-star" famous. I just need to touch my surroundings and the people with whom God allows me to cross paths for Him, and to try to show love as best as I can.

I also pray that I do not become "holier than thou", and ask Him what was asked of Him in Psalm 69:6: "Let not those who wait for You, Oh Lord God of Hosts, be ashamed because of me; let not those who seek You be confounded because of me, O God of Israel."

If I can remember who I am to God -- His child who loves Him and is loved by Him in return -- and I try to spur others to come to that wonderful knowledge, even if it's ONE person I can convince of that wonderful truth, then I am success in His eyes. And He doesn't care WHAT color my eyebrows may be!