Weigh to Go!

The other night, I couldn't sleep, for some reason not even known to myself. Usually on those moments, I feel that is God waking me up to pray intercessory prayer for people I don't even know. It turns a sleepless night into a very good night.

On this night in particular, however, I couldn't even seem to pull myself together to do that. So I turned on the tube. Very late at night, a peculiar thing happens. The infomercials emerge from their slumber and attack unwitting minds to buy, buy buy into happiness of some sort.

You see, we all seem to think, "If I had more money, I'd be happier." So, there on the screen were all sorts of wonderful ways that you could make money. You only have to work PART TIME HOURS to MAKE MILLIONS IN A YEARS' TIME. Now, all you have to do is send so much money.... ah, so THAT'S how THEY can make that much money in no time flat -- encourage others to send YOU money.

Or, we think, "If I were more attractive, then I'd be happy." The television was inundated with scores of weight-loss methods and exercise DVDs. I was almost tempted to buy the one from a former Olympian. It looked so easy to do, and the people looked so good and ripped in the program. Yes, I need to lose weight, but who am I losing it for? Am I losing it to get praise and extra comments? So that I can look great in a bikini again? I USED to wear bikinis -- but those days left with the arrival of my first child! So why do I want to lose weight, and why did I get so big in the first place?

Until my stay in the hospital, the exercise equipment that my husband bought to get in shape got no usage and gathered nothing but dust. I lost my instructions for the Total Gym (another way of losing weight which was advertised that night -- I learned some of the exercises I should be doing on that thing that night), and I watched the exercise videos that I had, but never did the exercises, themselves.

But you know, all of the exercise equipment in the world, all of the money in the world won't fix what can or cannot make you happy. Actually, you need to find out how to make all of that extra money advertised on the one channel so that you can afford to buy the exercise equipment advertised on all of the other channels! For me, happiness comes from being secure in the Lord -- and ALL of the fullness, thereof. However, I have gotten away from that fullness, myself. I've really been looking hard recently at myself in my effort to lose the poundage. Why do I use food to make myself feel better, if I have Jesus? Why am I not making Him enough?

I've been in this course called "The Lord's Table" for a week, now. Some things make me think. Other things make me cry in repentance, while other things said make me a little uncomfortable and angry. But, God is faithful and just to utilize this FREE on-line program to really allow me to go before the Lord in repentance, joy, anger, disappointment, laying myself bare upon His altar. I've been looking at what I've been feeling before I overeat, and at the core of it -- for me, anyway, it may not be that way for you -- is rejection and control issues.

But, instead of going before the Lord with my sadness over rejection, I was going to food. Before, when I was anorexic, control was at the core -- or rather, lack of control in my life around me. Eating -- or lack thereof -- were the only ways I could control SOMETHING. How sad it is to then come to the horrific realization that the things you thought you were controlling end up actually controlling you!

I need to seriously turn ALL control over to Jesus, and to completely, utterly, fully, 100%, honestly, no-holds barred TRUST Him -- even in the roughest seas -- to know that He has ALL things planned out for His greater glory. Even the jarringly heart-breaking times that I simply cannot, for the life of me, understand. This is the hardest part of my journey to lose weight, I am discovering. By the weigh,,, (I'm so punny), I have lost 6 pounds in the first week, and I plan on continuing, with HIS power and grace pushing me onward. To God be the glory, and may He help me and give me strength in this. And if you're struggling, may He give YOU strength, as well.