Lessons from the Lord

I want to turn a page. The major thing I've been wondering is the perpetual "why?" See, when I was younger, we were dirt poor -- heck, the soil was richer than us! We were always in danger of losing our home. One winter, my father chopped every other step of the cellar just to get us some wood to burn in our little wood burner. Most people I grew up with didn't know this, nor the many other things about our home whilst growing up. We had to keep everything a secret. But, there was ONE THING that I learned in all of the hardships we endured while growing up: NEVER GIVE UP.

That's a valuable lesson to learn.

I asked God while showering, WHY did this guy from our church commit suicide? My brain cannot comprehend nor understand it. There are SO many places in the Bible where God says He will supply all our needs according to His riches in glory, that He will forgive us of ALL our transgressions... that He will be our shield and our buckler. His Word is full of SO many promises -- and He is not a man that He should lie.

Either you believe God's Word -- in its entirety -- or you don't.

The Lord let me hear in my mind the voice of Corrie Ten Boom (she appeared at the end of the movie, "The Hiding Place"): "There is no pit so deep, that God is not deeper still."

So I asked of the Lord, "Then why wasn't Jesus in the pit with this fellow?"

"I was," I felt in my spirit, "he just didn't believe I was there."

Then the Lord brought to my mind what happened the day after I discovered this gentleman: I was struck with panic attack upon panic attack. Every fear imaginable hit me, in wave upon wave. I even went to a counselor, and that didn't seem to help. That night, I couldn't go to church; I truly did not know if I could go back again. I stayed home, and was attacked voraciously by the enemy. I called out to God for help, because I honestly felt as though I myself would die from the fear -- or to be taken somewhere like a hospital to help me.

Then, I got the umption to go to Neil Anderson's site -- Freedom in Christ, ministries. I printed out "Who I am in Christ" and looked up the verses in the Bible every verse listed. Then, when I felt the enemy attack again like a flood before I fell asleep, I cried out to the Lord: "Lord, I cannot stand another night like the one before. I need to rest in You. Please let me take Your yoke upon me, and please protect me from the enemy. I need You."

Suddenly, I felt so tired, and I went to bed. I may sound crazy, but that night, I could actually feel and hear the enemy attacking me, like fiery arrows to the head with words of hate, fear and promises of destruction. But in the same respect, I could actually feel and hear a contrasting voice -- one that quoted the Bible and protected me, like a force field-type helmet around my head. Then I heard singing -- the most beautiful singing one could ever imagine. The next day I read an e-mail that I get with encouragement for today, and this was the verse:

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." -- Zephaniah 3:17

Back to the shower... after these things were brought to my mind, the Lord really revealed to me what I needed to know about "why." When someone is up against the worst temptations, He DOES give a way of escape. That takes faith in His word. Those who call upon His name WILL be saved... it only takes faith the size of a mustard seed -- and He'll provide the rest.